I just went for a short walk around my neighborhood, and fall is in the air. It’s the first time I’ve felt it: the cool breeze, the dusty glow of sunlight hitting a sky full of grey clouds. 7:00pm and the day is already fading.
Fall, it’s a time of transition. It feels like a transition for me, although I’m not sure exactly what I’m transitioning to, not yet. For now, the only transition I’m working on is coming off of the Camino. I know where I just came from, but I don’t know where I’m headed to. It’s something I thought about a lot while on the Camino, and something I wondered if I would have answered by the time I left. I don’t, and it’s okay. For now, right here is good.
I was driving to work this morning and merged in front of a large truck with a huge, yellow scallop shell on the side of the cab. I saw it and smiled. I turned on the radio and the first song I heard was The Proclaimer’s ‘I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)’. “But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more,” sang the voice on the radio while a truck with a yellow scallop shell was barreling behind me. Oh, Camino.
One of my blogging friends, Nathan, asked if I would be headed back for another Camino next summer. Man, if I could head back for another Camino next week, I would do it. Next summer? Maybe. Doing another Camino feels inevitable, but a lot of life can happen in a year. It’s hard to say where my head and heart will be next June.
What I think about right now, what I think about every day, is how I can write about this Camino. So I do write about my experiences, at least a little bit every day. I have a few ideas about where I can go with this writing, and maybe this is my yellow arrow, for now.
Following the signs is a lot harder to do off of the Camino. While you’re on it, you just keep your eyes open for yellow arrows or yellow scallop shells, and you just keep walking. I never, ever worried about losing my way, even though I did get off track a couple of times. But I always found my way back easily enough- sometimes on my own, sometimes with a little help.
Here, it’s harder to find the arrows. And sometimes you don’t know when you’re getting off track. Sometimes you’ve been off track for so long that by the time you realize it, you have to walk a long way to get back on the right path. But sometimes something will appear to let you know that you’re moving in the right direction. Sometimes it’s a truck with a scallop shell. Sometimes it’s a timely song on the radio. Sometimes it’s just a gut feeling.
So I’m keeping my eyes open. Still looking for those yellow arrows, and trusting that I’m headed the right way.
Nadine,
I love this post. I’m just back home now for a week, I thought that might be my last Camino having completed #4 and #5 this August. But now I know I will be going back, I’m even thinking of leading some people who have asked me. The Camino is crazy, it keeps calling us back.
Arlène (Once Bitten)
Arlene, how awesome would it be if you could lead others on a Camino?? That is truly in the Camino spirit, and would be such an incredible way to share your knowledge and experience. Keep us posted…
I love this post. I love that signs popped right into the middle of your day, just like that. What a feeling.
My year post-Camino has been the walk in the dark I wish I’d done in Spain, but didn’t–only without the bonus of seeing the actual Milky Way. I felt utterly lost, groping my way through a looong, dark night of the soul. That’s not to say there weren’t high points, but it’s taken me the better part of a year to stop fighting (and start living) the lesson I learned on foot across Espana: Trust. Trust yourself, and trust Life.
The small me would like to fight this insight, but now that I’m out of the woods I’m glad I hung in there and allowed myself to descend into complete and utter lost-ness. I feel purified now, and whole. Now I don’t feel the need I once did to go back and do it again, though I’m completely open to the idea. It’s just that the Camino is in me now, rather than a path located out there somewhere.
I hope you keep writing, Nadine. Your words on the Way inspired me greatly and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about the journey as you reflect back on it.
Wonderful post Nadine! I love when those little signs appear out of nowhere; one day I saw two yellow arrows in different places in the town where I live and felt overwhelmed with nostalgia for the Camino.
I love that you think every day about how you can write about your first Camino. I, too, think about the Camino and write at least a little about it every day. Reading blogs like yours and connecting with my “Camino Family” on Facebook helps keep it alive. I have to admit, I am starting to make plans for a 2015 Camino; as Arlène said above, “the Camino keeps calling us back.” I haven’t decided yet whether I will do the Francés again, perhaps starting in Le Puy, or try something new and do the Norte. The first step for me will be purchasing a ticket to Madrid; I can decide the rest later!
Thanks again for keeping the journey alive!
Ahh, I think we’re on the same page with a possible second Camino… I’m also thinking about Le Puy or the Norte. 🙂 Yup, the Camino is a powerful thing to keep calling us back!!
Visiting ST IVES and the west of Cornwall I saw the scallop shell twice in a day. Once on the back of a little house where I parked the car and the other on a waymark for the Way of St Michael – part of the Saints trail in Cornwall that links up with the Camino trail. Both times my heart leapt with joy.
Funny, I’m in Tim’s part of the world right now (Somerset, but headed down to Cornwall after tomorrow) and although I haven’t seen too many Camino markers in the UK, I’ve seen them in some random places on the mainland. In July I was in Munster, a city in West Germany, and did a double take because there was a shell sticker on a signpost in the middle of the city center. Just like some people see faces everywhere, now we see the signs for the Camino 🙂
Seriously, every time I see something yellow I think I instinctively check to see if it is an arrow. I wonder if that will ever stop? I hope not…
Like all things Camino-related, it sort of goes away, but not completely. There will always be something to trigger it 🙂
Hi Nadine. I’ve been away from the blogs for a while so I have some catching up to do. Love your post and look forward to the read over the next while. We were planning on heading back but thing we will explore more of Europe before putting show back on the great experience. Our next stop is France so i will think of you while we do so. Keep up the good writing.
I’m glad you’re back! 🙂 Have a wonderful time in France… where are you headed?